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what funny jokes | She Was Real Pretty But She Wont Little Johnny

what funny jokes | She Was Real Pretty But She won’t Little Johnny
She Was Real Pretty But She won’t

there were a couple of guys though
walking their dogs on a hot summer day
when they passed by a tavern well the
first guy says let’s go in there for a
pint second guy says they won’t let us

in there with our dog’s first guy says
sure they will just follow my lead so he
goes up to the bar and sure enough the
bartender says I can’t let you in here
with that dog well he replies oh I’m

blind this is my seeing-eye dog well the
bartender says oh okay well come on in
then well the second guy sees it and he
does the same thing comes in and the
bartender says you can’t come in here

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with a dog he replies well I’m blind
this is my seeing-eye dog well the
bartender says you have a Chihuahua for
a seeing-eye dog well the second guy
says wait a minute he gave me a
Chihuahua
you

"".I BEG YOU.
PLEASE.
THAT’S A LOVELY– THIS LOVELY JACKET.
>> THIS IS WHERE– THIS ISN’T WHERE DAVID LETTERMAN DID IT.
>> Stephen: THIS IS THE EXACT SAME THEATER.
>> BECAUSE IT WAS ALWAYS COLD.
>> I REMEMBER IT WAS ALWAYS COLD.

>> Stephen: IT’S EXTRAORDINARILY COLD IN HERE.
>> THIS IS WHY I BROUGHT THAT.
>> Stephen: GOOD FOR YOU.
GOOD FOR YOU.
WELL PLANNED, HELENA BONHAM CARTER.
>> GOOD THINKING.
>> Stephen: LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
>> LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
LET’S DO IT AGAIN.

>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YOU.
FOR THE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET YOU’RE
PLAYING PRINCESS MARGARET IN “THE CROWN.”
>> ONLY FOR THIS SEASON.
>> Stephen: ONLY FOR THIS SEASON?
>> NO, ABSOLUTELY WRONG.
( LAUGHTER ) THIS SEASON AND NEXT SEASON.
SEASONS THREE AND FOUR.
I WAS VANESSA KIRBY.

Stephen: OKAY what funny jokes

> Stephen: OKAY.
>> WHEN YOU AGE IN “THE CROWN”, YOU BECOME A DIFFERENT ACTOR.
>> Stephen: OH,.
>> THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS.
>> Stephen: THAT’S VERY INTERESTING.
IT SOUNDS PAINFUL.

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>> WHEN YOU’RE PART OF THE ROYAL FAMILY.
IT WAS KIND OF PAINFUL.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND YOU ACTUALLY– YOU MET PRINCESS
MARGARET WHILE SHE WAS STILL WITH US.
>> I DID, I DID.

KIND OF, LOOKING BACK ON IT– I MEAN, I KIND OF– SHE WAS– IT
SOUNDS LIKE A BIT SHOW-AVI BUT SHE WAS KIND OF A FRIEND OF THE
FAMILY BECAUSE MY UNCLE HAPPENED TO KNOW HER FROM A LONG, LONG
TIME — >> Stephen: BY “KNOW” YOU MEAN
THEY DATED?

> IT’S REALLY NUPT AIR.
WE CAN’T REALLY BE– LET’S SEE.
OH, YOU SEE.
IT’S SO NICE.
THERE’S MY UNCLE MARK.
HE’S AMAZING.

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YOU SEE, HE WAS A PRISONER OF WAR.
AND HE ESCAPED FROM BEHIND ENEMY LINES.
HE WALKED THE WHOLE OF ITALY, ESCAPED.

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AND THEY DIDN’T SEND HIM BACK TO WAR.
AND THEY ASKED HIM TO GUARD PRINCESS ANN WHO WAS AT
WINDSOR– NOT ANN, MARGARET.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> SLIGHTLY JET LAG.
YOU GET THE GIST.
>> Stephen: SURE.

>> AND THEY ENDED UP BEING GOOD FRIENDS.
>> Stephen: WAS SHE AROUND THE HOUSE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
>> NO, I WOULD GO TO PARTIES AND YOU WERE ALWAYS TOLD THERE WAS A
PRINCESS IN THE ROOM.
SHE WAS A STICKLER FOR PROTOCOL AND NOW I REALIZE WHY.
>> Stephen: WHY?

SHE WANTED TO CONTROL WHAT SHE COULD

>> SHE WANTED TO CONTROL WHAT SHE COULD.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND.
>> SHE HAD VERY LITTLE.
AND I THINK SHE WAS VERY– SHE WAS SOMEONE WHO WAS VERY BOSSY
AND SHE WAS VERY PRECISE, AND IT WAS ALMOST LIKE THIS IS WHAT SHE
COULD DO FOR THE BRCH EMPIRE.
SHE WAS VERY BOSSY.

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BUT IF YOU HAVE VERY LITTLE CONTROL OVER YOUR LIFE, YOU CAN
OFTEN END UP CONTROLLING THE LITTLE THAT YOU CAN.
MAYBE.
I DON’T KNOW.
I HAVE ALL SORTS OF REASONS TO JUSTIFY MY BEHAVIOR IN THIS
SERIES.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WE HAVE–
>> ALL POSITIVE.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE.
YOU CAN EXPLAIN WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?
>> PROBABLY NOT.
>> Stephen: OKAY, UN WHAT?
>> LET HER GO.

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>> Stephen: LET’S JUST FREE-BALL IT.
JIM.
>> SHE MEANS WELL.
TWO OF US ARE COMPLICATED.
>> SHE AND I ARE COMPLICATED.
>> IT’S TRUE.
ELDER SISTER, YOUNGER SISTER.
NUMBER ONE AND NUMBER TWO.
>> WHO’S NUMBER ONE?
>> YOU.

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OF COURSE.
A NATURAL# NUMBER ONE# WHOSE# TRAGEDY IT IS #TO HAVE BEEN #BORN
NUMBER TWO.
>> THAT IS MY BURDEN.
>> SHE KNOWS IT, TOO.
>> YES, I THINK SHE DOES.
THAT’S HER BATTLE.
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )

>> I DIDN’T TELL YOU, I’LL TELL YOU QUICKLY NOW —
>> Stephen: OR TAKE YOUR TIME.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO SAY IT QUICKLY.
>> I’M SLIGHTLY TIRED.
THAT’S ALL.

I JUST GOT OFF A PLANE

I JUST GOT OFF A PLANE.
I’m NOT BORED.
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: A FRESH ONE– >> DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE.
>.>> Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF TEA.
>> OH, LET’S HAVE OUR TEA.
♥THAT IS. SO PERFECT.
>> #Stephen: HERE WE GO.

♥SO. YES SO YOU #WERE .TALKING# WITH .PRINCESS. MARGARET.#
DO GO ON.
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.

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>> YOU PUT THE MILK IN FIRST?
>> Stephen: MILK IN FIRST.
I DO NOT KNOW YOUR FOREIGN WAYS.
>> STOP!
>> Stephen: STOP.
DO YOU LIKE SUGAR?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: NO?
SAY WHEN?
>> I WILL.
I DIDN’T.

( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: IT’S HOT!
I DIDN’T WANT TO SCALD YOU.
>> JUST TESTING.
>> Stephen: IS THAT ALL RIGHT?
>> IT’S ALL RIGHT.
>> Stephen: BEFORE YOU TELL THE STORY, VERY QUICKLY.
SHE SAYS, “BURDEN.”

>> BURDEN.

> Stephen: THERE’S A DIFFERENT ROYAL ACCENT THAN,
LIKE, A RECEIVED ENGLISH ACCENT.
IT’S A VERY SPECIFIC ACCENT SOUND TO ME.
>> YES, WE HAD AN ACCENT COACH.
BURDEN, BURDEN.

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>> Stephen: DO THEY HAVE A SPECIFIC ONE?
IT SOUNDS DIFFERENT TO ME.
>> THERE ARE ALL SORTS OF SOUNDS IN THE WORLD THAT ARE ACCENTED.
YOU CAN’T MOVE YOUR UPPER LIP.
TRY TALKING WITHOUT MOVING YOUR UPPER LIP.
( LAUGHTER ) GO ON.
DO IT.

>> Stephen: I’LL DO MY BEST.
( LAUGHTER ) I DO MY BEST.
>> BETTER, BETTER.
>> Stephen: BETTER, BETTER, YES, YES, YES, I UNDERSTAND.
>> THAT’S GOOD.
>> Stephen: VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD, YES, I UNDERSTAND.
>> NOW SAY “BURDEN.”

#funny jokes

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